The Pit

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Do you remember how The Rec was the first place you met your first real life members of the LGBTQ family? Before then you questioned whether there was enough gays in the world and if you would ever meet your perfect woman in a world that seems so straight? Especially having your family keep you so far from the concept as you were taught, as a women in a muslim family, you grow up, get an education, and then get married to serve your husband. I don’t blame my family, it’s all they ever knew. Do you remember when you met this girl named Robyn. Come to think of it, you were never really interested in her, but the idea that you could possibly kiss a girl again beat any smelly boy.  You were in year 8. Robyn asked you if you wanted to bunk with her. That was the first and last time you bunked during our time in compulsory education because you felt SO guilty. You were so  excited.  That day you decided to walk to “school” because normally your mum drops you off. You hid in the cemetery near yours and Robyn’s house (oh how emo of you). Robyn met you there and you both waited for everybody to be in registration. You both walked to town, went into Wilkinsons and got a pic’n’mix. You saw your pastoral care teacher and HOPED and PRAYED she didn’t see you (we found out she did because she told you when you were back in school, that made us shit our pants so we definitely never did it again). But you guys spent the morning and lunch at the Rec, just talking getting to know each others stories on how we came to find out we were interested in the same sex.  Do you remember it was really sunny, in fact it was summer and you had your school polo shirt which you later changed so that you looked like you were not meant to be in school. You were nervous because the Rec was LITERALLY behind your middle school, you didn’t want anyone from school to see you guys in case you did kiss because you weren’t ready for any bullies to have something against you when you were already bottom of the league. Already having faced some nasty “jokes” (which we now now little Busra was racism at its finest) about being Turkish, fat, a Muslim, the only minority and not exactly being the “perfect” ideology of a tall blonde, blue eyed girl, you thought this wasn’t going to make you any more popular. One of the main comments was “GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY!”, followed by the clucking sound of a chicken...idiots...didn’t even know what a Turkey sounded like. It’s funny how many times we heard that. By the way, if I get that comment now I simply respond with “Yeah but you don’t mind eating me for Christmas do ya? I’m delicious.” Wish we knew that come back then. Would have been useful. 

But back to the memory, you guys decided to walk to the pit. The pit was the nickname for the waterside park which was behind your ‘going to be’ Upper School. You sat by the water in between her legs, not knowing who was going to make the move. Normally it’s easy, society says that the male should make the first move. But eventually near the end of the day, after several hours or talking and arms being stroked (which was the most action since you were 5 with your friend Maja) it just happened. You guys kissed. It was oddly in sync. You both heard the school bells for Cedars Upper ring. You were sad to know the day was over, that you couldn’t continue this almost dreamlike day ( a day you were waiting for a long time). It was this day that you came to terms properly with your identity for the first time. It was this day that your journey to fully finding yourself started. Let me tell you babe...you should never be scared of who you are. There will be people who accept you, I just wish you knew then... P.s. I remember, we kept replaying that day over and over again for the rest of the evening...